Our last post here was to the Keeper of Dreams. In my life, my mother "catchafallingstar," the better half, the winning half of all my ventures, is indeed that Keeper. In 2006 profound changes were occurring within her as she prepared for a transition to another life. And as she worked through her own, she was witness to the changes in me. I was daring to dream. And to share those dreams with her. I dreamed and she held the dreams in trust for me. And still does two years after her passing.
People have often asked me why she chose her user name as catchafallingstar. She had chosen it on an impulse, quoting from a John Donne poem, "Go and catch a falling star." Interestingly, not long after her account was set up on Strike~Me~Gyllen, then under construction and awaiting launch, she actually fell. It's an old story and many know it. From the apparent irony and sadness of it though, arose hope and new beginnings.
Reminding me of the popular song from the last century:
"Catch a falling star an’ put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away! Catch a falling star an’ put it in your pocket,
...
...
Just in case you feel you wanna’ hold her,
You’ll have a pocketful of starlight! "
Today it's been two years since the star fell and we caught her essence. I wrote this in my journal as I recalled how I've sustained myself through two difficult years just knowing I had the starlight in my pocket. Kim told me to share the post and here it is:
Caught, Falling ...
Put in several pockets, saved for several rainy days.
Risen again in many places, minds and hearts.
Indeed we fall so we may ascend, set so we may rise, depart so we may arrive and be welcomed.
As you fell, you brought down with you a shower of gifts. The best of those were faith, hope and love; of them, love the first among equals.
And then you were actually "fished out of pockets" around the globe. In London you emerged from under a carpet, in Texas you sang behind the curtain, in Toronto you hitched a ride on a shoulder and in plain old Kolkata you did what you always love - you took a walk and met up with a new friend like she was an old one! Needless to say, you ride on my heartbeat(or do I ride on yours?) 24x7.
Dear catchafallingstar - it's your day today. What can we say but "Rise and Shine" as we raise and cheer!
Those who haven't already can read catchafallingstar's Farewell Message dating back to February '06.
12 comments:
What a lovely tribute and remembrance of your dear Mom, Incognita. I've often heard when a loved one leaves this life, a new star is born in the heavens, where they continue to shine and radiate love for all eternity. Warmest thoughts and love, my sweet friend.
Incognita, as I told you in a recent message, she still is very much alive in you. And as I said, there is more to being alive than just breathing air.
To be alive is to be in the hearts of those whom you love.
It's a wonderful tribute,the best a mother can obtain for a beloved daughter¡. But you're not right in one thing;her star didn't fall.It's in the sky,like her soul is in Heaven,and it's the one that brights the most only for you.You have the starlight in your pocket,but also in your heart,in your mind,in all your self, because since two years ago,this starlight is YOU,darling.
I know how you're feeling and I confess it has been hard to me to read,because I also lost my mother several years ago.And I know for this reason that she is always with me,even in another world and another astral plane.Because a person only dies when is forgotten,and this can't ever happen,neither with your mother,nor mine,Heath or any other beloved person...
{{{Incognita}}} Not feeling profound today, but wanted to drop by and say, "hello".
Beruthiel
Dear Friends:
Thank you for posting your thoughts here. It means a lot to me.
Glenn I've heard it said too about the new star in the heavens. As children, we'd be told the same when a dear one passed, and it helped us to stay connected and not feel the emptiness of the loss. It also led us to stretch our imagination and feel less afraid to explore realms beyond the concrete and tangible.
The "star in heaven" metaphor is powerful, representing a higher place, a different dimension but one that we remain connected with.
Definitely the energy associated with the person is transferred someplace else and we continue to feel it in a different, often better form.
tpe I will quote what you wrote me in your mail "I feel that she speaks to me as in life, when I read what you write about her." I am happy that this feeling is invoked because it reminds us of the person's indestructible essence that continues to sustain us.
myprivatejack I'm so happy you finally got to post your comment. I love this "You have the starlight in your pocket, but also in your heart, in your mind,in all your self, because since two years ago, this starlight is YOU, darling." You are defining immortality in much the same way as my mother herself used to. This starlight is indeed all of us, your mom has left this behind and you have absorbed it into yourself. In much the same way that Heath remains alive within those who love him. I guess the star "falling" is an illusion, it's more about the starlight shining down.
beruthiel the fact that you dropped in means a lot to me. I know what you're going through. Hugs back from me. Please keep coming.
For all of us who've posted, 22nd Jan (for those not familiar, the first anniversary of actor Heath Ledger's passing) has been a difficult milestone to get past. I believe that Heath's own energy from another dimension has helped us cope. The Golden Globe win and the Oscar nomination have also boosted our spirits. He must be smiling at the irony. But I think we can really smile when they decide to give him a Lifetime Achievement award for Brokeback Mountain.
Dearest Incognita,
I am so moved by the beauty of the words you wrote about your mother to be almost intimidated.
My heart goes to her and to you like two faces of the same coin.
Thank you for never forgetting to invite me to cross your path...
Love. Xenia
Dear Xenia - welcome aboard and thank you for your beautiful and moving words. It was in fact intimidating for me to get my feelings out into that post. I think writing about something so intimate can be a struggle for all of us.
Your comment has inspired another post-in-process. Watch the blog!
Love,
Incognita
In her Consolidation feature on Morocco, freetraveller talks about frontier countries as being places where different cultures bump up against each other, in challenging and transforming ways.
It seems like we often need a guide, in the form of a person or a work of art, to help us step across those borders and get to a new understanding of a people or a place.
I think of your mom as being that guide for me, Incognita. The pocketful of starlight she's helped me catch has been the wisdom of her Hindu faith, and the insight of her historical time.
It's lighted my path, just as you have....and for that, I'm so grateful.
Dear Incognita,
sorry to comment this late, but as you know I'm travelling in Australia right now and my days are full of so many things to do and places to visit that in the evening I'm so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open...
This week I'm in Perth and I've been overwhelmed with different emotions as I walk about this wonderful city, the suburbs, the beaches (especially Cottesloe Beach) and I think I'm a little more able now to capture Heath's youthful and adventurous spirit by watching how local people behave and interact with each other...
Thank you as well for your wonderful tribute to your dear mother. We have come a long way since she left this world, but I can tell her spirit is alive in you and she couldn't have wished for a better daughter to embody her essence and her legacy.
Love,
Paola
I just finish replying to Xenia's post and the next two posts also pursue the theme of "crossing." Thank you Kim and freetraveller for sharing your thoughts. It is interesting that Kim mentions freetraveller's words about frontiers and their transformational impact, and freetraveller walks in and picks up the thread. Xenia: as you might have guessed, the post you have inspired me to work on is around this very theme of crossing paths. I hope to be putting it up soon.
Paola (freetraveller) I will take the liberty of quoting your exact words in your mail to me: "Only two days ago I was in Cottesloe Beach and my heart was filled with so many emotions as I was watching the sun setting on the Indian Ocean, the seagulls flying over the waves, the nice and friendly people I saw there and around Perth. I started picturing him swimming or surfing there as he was younger, nourishing that carefree and adventurous spirit, that Aussie quality that never left him."
Every time I think of the sun sinking into that ocean I am comforted that it is shining someplace else right then. And my mind rests with the certainty and assurance that it will rise right there next morning.
Kim has said "It seems like we often need a guide, in the form of a person or a work of art, to help us step across those borders and get to a new understanding of a people or a place."
I think Heath through his persona and his works of art, with BBM topping the list, has been that guide to numerous people. It is a lovely surprise and most appropriate to have you, Paola, making your first post here, from his beloved Perth and be transmitting a part of that aura as personally felt by you, so our readers can share it. I believe Heath's spirit has drawn you on this journey and we are eagerly waiting to share all your unexpected discoveries.
Both catchafallingstar and Heath have crossed what we in this life, think of as the final frontier. It seems to me that our guides from beyond this frontier are taking us across borders in ways that we wouldn't otherwise experience.
Once again a special thank you to each one who has commented. Please remember there is nothing like "too late" to post here. Do feel free to come just whenever you feel like and express yourselves. This post will stay open for comments.
Thanks Incognita for reminding me to come here. One doesn't often enough remember those we love whom we have lost. One doesn't often enough remember those who are still here either. Life's ups and downs often get too much in the way, and we get distracted. You had asked me to post this when I wrote it to you on 01/20/09, the day of the historic inauguration of our newest President, and the life you are remembering here. I am finally doing so.
"Thank you so much for sharing this with me on this sad day for you and an oh so proud day for us over here. As with all that took place today, your sharing this with me had made my day complete.
Once again you are in my thoughts and have been. Thanks for sharing once again the bright star who is your mother.....yet still."
Thanks again for this. As one who has lost a husband 4 years ago and a father not quite a year ago, it is always so wonderful to read how the people we love have so much influence on our lives. You with your mother and me with my husband and Dad. You always remind me of this and it allows me to take them from those special places we have them in our minds and hearts and thank them yet again for who they were to us.
My husband always made me laugh and my Dad approved and supported the changes I made all throughout my life. Two gifts I will always have.
Thank you my friend for always reminding me to go there and remember. Much love to you.
Linda thanks so much for your post, especially for these words:
"it allows me to take them from those special places we have them in our minds and hearts and thank them yet again for who they were to us."
As you have said, life's ups and downs distract us. Life is a roller coaster and there are times when it circles us back to those special places you mention, inviting that part of the past to touch the "here and now."
The here-and-now can be a possessive mistress and a hard task master. Luckily it brings its unexpected gifts too, which make it all worth it.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about your dear husband and dad and what they mean to you. It means a lot to me to have people open up here.
I look forward to more of your posts.
Lots of love - Incognita
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